


I May Not Stand Tall, But Without You I'd Fall

by eafay70



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9268331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eafay70/pseuds/eafay70
Summary: When a soul is distressed, it psychically seeks its mate.Julian's new job in Paris appears to have reawoken his demons, also known as mental illnesses.Max doesn't know why he needs to say his mantras more often.By a twist of fate, they find each other.





	1. A Brief History of Soulmate Theory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WinterSnow10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSnow10/gifts).



> I think it'll be clear to you within sentences why this one's for you. <3
> 
> While I'm specifically dedicating this work to the person I beta, I'm also dedicating it to everyone who's ever needed someone to trust unconditionally.
> 
> Title and inspiration from the song "Lifesaver" by Sunrise Avenue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Julian Draxler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you'd like to see certain characters. ;)

Julian didn't know if most people got bored within minutes of a three-hour flight, but he knew to prepare for the possibility of being one of those people. So when he found himself twiddling his thumbs within minutes of his flight departing Wolfsburg for Paris, he took out a book: "A Brief History of Soulmate Theory" by Hannelore-Alexandria Raven, PhD.

 _In the beginning, there were souls. A group of angels was tasked with spreading those souls throughout the world. In order to decrease the agony for these souls in this strange world full of cruelty and hate, the angels tied the souls together with a variety of strings. Each type of string represented a different type of interpersonal relationship: the romantic soulmate, the platonic soulmate, the admired rival, the parent, the child, and so on._  
_Unfortunately, this group of angels came across some lightning bolts and decided to use them as toys before completing their task of spreading the souls. In their carelessness, the angels sliced through the strings with the lightning bolts, meaning that the souls were no longer properly connected. Worst of all, the strings between romantic soulmates were so thin that the vast majority of soulmates were separated. However, the ends of those strings were also deeply embedded in each soul, which accounts for the sense of longing associated with the search for a romantic soulmate, known in the vernacular as the "one true love" or as the "soulmate" with no additional modifier. Since the strings between platonic soulmates were thicker, not all of them were cut, which is why it is likelier to grow up with one's platonic soulmate, known in the vernacular as the "best friend."_

Julian rolled his eyes. No wonder Erik had given him this book for St. Nicholas Day: he and Marco were the tightest best friends known to man, or at least in the close-knit world of linguistic studies. This entire section was proof that Erik's ramblings about the bond between best friends being forged by heaven were right! With an inward groan, Julian opened to a different section of the book, hoping for something less corny.

_The Lifesaver Model proposes that the romantic soulmate string seeks to repair itself when the soul in which it is embedded experiences extreme emotional distress. The other soul is able to psychically connect with its soulmate, which manifests itself in a variety of ways. These manifestations are often described as "twists of fate" or "something telling [one] to do something." While it is critical to note that meeting one's romantic soulmate in this manner will NOT cure the emotional distress, it must be noted that the meeting will alleviate emotional symptoms._

Julian sighed. He hoped to meet his soulmate someday, but he really hoped it wouldn't fit this model.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anything in the book excerpts doesn't make sense, let me know so I can clarify it in a future chapter.


	2. I am the one thing in life I can control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Max Meyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from the song "Wait For It" from the musical "Hamilton." It's one of the songs I listen to repeatedly when I need a mental pick-me-up. In fact, most of the chapter titles in this fic will come from songs I listen to repeatedly when I need a mental pick-me-up. Maybe they'll help you, too. <3

_Links und dann rechts..._  
Max focused on his mantra as he walked into the classroom. He didn't want to sit through another Literary Theory lecture, but he knew he needed to pass the course, so he took his usual seat in the back and started taking notes.

 _Links und dann rechts..._  
Max let his mantra march through his head as he walked to the cafeteria. It was Friday, which meant lunch with Leon. Sure enough, his best friend was waiting for him at the main entrance. "Hi, Max!" he said cheerfully. "How was class?"  
"The usual. I still have no idea why I need it for an MA in sports journalism."  
They entered the cafeteria and found a small table. Max nibbled at a salad (spinach, then corn, then tomatoes, then cucumbers) and sipped at his drink (seltzer, plus lemonade, plus mint leaves, plus ice) while Leon spoke.  
"Christoph finalized the arrangements for Denmark after graduation. It'll be gorgeous, Max - I wish you could be there with us."  
"I wish your folks were okay with you marrying Christoph so you could get married here." Max forced himself not to frown. "But then again we all wish a lot of things."  
Leon jolted. "Oh, no! I shouldn't have mentioned graduation - I'm sorry, Max, really!"  
"It's fine, really." Max faked a smile. "Tell me about Denmark."  
Leon launched into a description of the resort town his fiancé had found for their wedding, blissfully ignorant of the fact that Max's smile didn't reach his eyes.

 _Links und dann rechts..._  
Max thought his mantra as loudly as he could as he returned to his apartment. Once he reached his bedroom, he flopped facedown onto his bed, letting his grocery bags drop to the floor next to the bed. He pulled his beloved plushies into one arm and began to cry.  
"It's not fair!" he told the plushies as he pulled a chocolate bar out of the grocery bags. "Leon's leaving me behind because I can't do a normal courseload and graduate on time. And he has Christoph...I want to hate Christoph because he's taking my best friend away, but he really isn't, and Christoph is so good to him, and he's nice to me..."  
Having eaten the chocolate bar in three bites, he took out a bottle of sweet iced tea and began to drink it between sobs. "Leon didn't even want a boyfriend, but Christoph found him anyway. I've spent years looking for my soulmate, not bothering with one-night stands just to be safe, and what do I get? Nothing!"  
He let the now-empty bottle roll under the bed with the rest of the month's trash. "I have to tighten the mask. I have to keep the flaws hidden."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character suggestions still welcome.
> 
> MA = Master's of Arts (postgraduate degree)


	3. And it seems like it's calling out to me, "So come find me"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian should be happy with his first official day at work. Max should be happy with the lovely letter his "future best friend-in-law" sent him. And yet, they're not entirely happy...until something tells them what web address to type.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from the song "How Far I'll Go" from the movie "Moana."
> 
> By the power vested in me by...well, me...I hereby declare this pairing Maxler. In the words of The Rock, "you're welcome."

Julian plopped onto his bed indignantly. Work had gone fairly well, considering it had been his first official day in the St. Germain Center for the History of Linguistics. He had translated several pages of a newly-discovered set of religious texts, leaving his new coworkers quite impressed with his relative speed and attention to detail. But something had been missing all day, and it was still missing. Julian couldn't put his finger on what that "something" was - an encouraging email or text from someone back in Germany, perhaps? With a sigh, he turned on his laptop and clicked around aimlessly.

\----------

Max sat on his bed and pulled his plushies close before opening the letter that had arrived that day. (Yes, it was an actual snail mail letter in an envelope with a stamp. Apparently those were still a thing for matters other than taxes, bills, or fancy event invitations.) After a long day of classes, he didn't have the energy to read the letter thoroughly, so he skimmed it briefly. It was from Christoph, thanking him for being a good friend and promising not to monopolize Leon. He signed it "your future best friend-in-law." Max knew Christoph meant well, but nevertheless he scoffed and threw the letter and its envelope somewhere behind him. With a sigh, he turned on his laptop and clicked around aimlessly.

\----------

In the weeks that followed, both Julian and Max would try to retrace their online steps from that day, hoping to figure out what had led them to We Love Words, "a forum devoted to languages the world over." Neither man was able to figure it out. But when push came to shove, neither man particularly cared.

\----------

During lunch, Julian and one of his coworkers had gotten into a debate about Yiddish: Was it a dead language, or a very complicated dialect of German that had contributed more slang to American English than it had any right to? Julian's boss had ordered them back to work before the matter had been resolved, so Julian decided to ask on the forum. He made his username SmoothBrook04 in honor of his hometown and favorite football club.

\----------

Max saw a question about Yiddish and immediately thought of Professor Zalmani, his undergraduate advisor who used more Yiddish than anyone he'd ever met. So he typed a reply to the question, choosing the username PaulFehltMir in honor of the octopus with whom he shared a hometown.

\----------

When SmoothBrook04 expressed interest in the Yiddish examples to which PaulFehltMir alluded, they exchanged email addresses. Little did they know just how important those email addresses would prove to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairings for Erik and Marco will be revealed next chapter; I know who they'll be, but I need more time to figure out how to write accents. (Yes, plural!)


	4. Fais attention, le secret survivra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian accidentally reveals one of his darkest secrets to Erik and Marco. It doesn't go over well. And yet, he decides to tell Max everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from "Libérée, délivrée", the French version of "Let It Go" from the movie "Frozen."  
> Translation of title: "Pay attention, the secret will survive"  
> (For those of you keeping score at home, no, I don't actually speak French. I got the translation from [a subs-trans video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl7MiuXiHDA) because I wanted something French in this fic.)
> 
>  
> 
> **TW: descriptions of self-harm**

Julian knew that what he did to himself was neither healthy nor normal. That was why he went to extremes to make sure nobody found out about it. He wore long sleeves so nobody could see his wrists, he washed and dried his hands quickly so nobody had time to examine them, and he avoided pointing to things so nobody would look anywhere near his scars. Perhaps most importantly, he never discussed his feelings with anyone: if they didn't know about the anxiety that only went away when he cut himself, they couldn't know about the cutting. And he knew that things would end badly if anyone knew about the cutting.

In retrospect, Julian should have realized that moving to a different country all by himself would make him anxious enough to turn to self-harm. His boss expected nothing short of perfection from each and every employee, and in all honesty, Julian preferred being held to the same impossible standard as his coworkers to possibly being given less to do out of pity or a similar emotion. But the stress was mounting, and Julian wasn't used to the weather in Paris so he caught a cold that was probably something worse, so he forgot to check his bedroom for anything that might raise eyebrows before he accepted a Skype call from Erik and Marco.

"We're in love!" they proclaimed in perfect unison.

Julian blinked a few times as he attempted to figure out what to say. The only thing that came to mind was, "That doesn't make sense."

"Not with each other!" clarified Erik. "He fell in love during cocktail hour, and I fell in love around midnight."

"That makes..." Julian paused. "I was going to say that that made sense, but it actually makes less sense now."

"The Multilingual Masquerade, duh!" Marco expected this to explain everything. And, yes, Julian remembered the Multilingual Masquerade fondly. (Everyone loved an annual masked ball with dinner, dancing, and the requirement to not speak one's mother tongue, right?) But the conversation still made no sense, and Julian's face must have made this clear, because Marco finally gave a reasonable explanation: "So they had these really good sliders during the cocktail hour, and I reached out to take one from a platter, but I grabbed this guy's hand instead. I looked up, intending to apologize, but the guy's eyes! And then he asked in this devilish Slavic accent where I had been hiding his whole life, and I was a goner."

"As in, he smugly led this guy past me, making sure I saw the guy's feet because you know what they say about guys with big feet, and then they went back to his apartment." Erik took over the story. "So I spent the evening mostly on my own, talking to a couple people here and there, and after dessert I decided to head out because, as you know, I don't dance. Well, I got to the parking lot, which of course doesn't count as part of the masquerade in terms of language requirements, and I hear someone complaining about his car not starting. He was speaking German, but it sounded like going up and down a mountain range...oh, my heavens, I knew he'd be handsome, but I didn't know he'd be that handsome!"

Julian sighed. "Of course the tightest best friends known to mankind would fall in love within hours of each other."

"Don't worry, you'll find someone, too," said Erik. "You're in Paris!"

"Yeah, show us your new digs!" requested Marco.

Julian complied. "Well, this is the bedroom. I'm on the bed, and the nightstand is over here." He rotated his laptop slightly to show them the small wooden table.

"Is that a knife?!" Marco's screech startled Julian.

Uh-oh.

He hadn't cleaned up after his post-workday round of self-harm (he really hated that it sounded that routine to him). Erik and Marco had called suddenly.

"That knife has blood on it." Erik sounded horrified. "You're cutting, aren't you? That's why you never wear short sleeves, I knew it!"

"Please..." Julian couldn't speak above a whisper. "Please, I need it..."

"That's not okay, Julian. That's just not okay." Marco shuddered, and Erik looked ready to vomit. They ended the Skype call.

Julian slammed shut his laptop and burst into tears. He knew it wasn't okay, but nothing in his life was okay! What was he supposed to do?

Then the idea came: Max.

Before he could overthink it, Julian picked up his smartphone and composed an email to Max. They'd spent the past week emailing back and forth about everything - work, school, cooking, Schalke, languages - but nothing along these lines. Julian didn't care.

_I cut my wrists. I don't want to have to do it, but I don't know what else to do. I know it's wrong._

Max answered within minutes.

_You know it's wrong, which is a good first step. Remember that I'm always here for you._

Julian began to cry again, this time out of relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do Erik and Marco strike you as jerks? Then I've done my job for this chapter. They'll eventually apologize.
> 
> Sliders are mini burgers. They're delicious.


	5. Shh, I know, I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing's going well for Max. The simplest of messages from Julian keeps him from doing anything drastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Stay Alive (Reprise)" from the musical "Hamilton." (Yeah, I know, two Hamilton songs already.)
> 
> To WinterSnow10. You know why.

Max was unhappy.

His classes were boring and/or difficult, the campus was always crowded, and his parents were driving him up a wall.

But all that wasn't anything new. And if Max was being honest, his being unhappy wasn't anything new, either.

Max was beyond unhappy. He was...miserable.

Yes, miserable seemed like the right word to describe a young man clutching five plushies to his chest while shoving Cheetos down his throat and hating himself for all sorts of reasons.

In between sobs, Max managed to check the time on his phone, and found himself wondering what Julian was up to. While Germany and France shared a timezone, the two Schalke fans kept very different schedules, so they didn't always answer each other's emails right away. Nevertheless, Max pecked out an email.

_I can't take it. My best friend - my only friend other than you - won't listen to me. Nobody likes me enough to listen, and I don't blame them because I don't like me._

The reply came a few minutes later.

_Tell me everything. I like you enough to listen._

So Max told him about his parents' unreasonable expectations having left him in tears over breakfast. Max explained that he was practically religious when it came to taking his antidepressant, but it didn't seem to help in the face of Leon's constant worrying about himself and Christoph. When Max had tried to explain to Leon that he was scared by the prospect of being alone on campus, Leon had told him to simply make new friends. Christoph had nodded in agreement and said that he and Leon would always be there in spirit for Max. But Max knew that that wouldn't help.

Julian's reply to all that came just as Max was debating whether or not to start considering drastic options.

_I wish I knew what to say. I don't know what I can do. Your friends weren't being good friends, and that sucks._

Max managed a deep breath for the first time in hours. Julian understood him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might consider my treatment of Leon and Christoph in this chapter a little harsh. It's nothing personal towards them, of course, and it's nothing personal towards the people in my life on whom I've based them in this story. I must advise, however, that Max will have a very, very hard time treating Leon and Christoph fairly throughout this story.


	6. Ich werd' bei dir sein, wenn du mich rufst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Max rise to the occasion for each other time and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from "Weit weg von hier," the German version of "Your Heart Will Lead You Home" from "The Tigger Movie."  
> Translation of title: "I'll be with you when/if you call me"

Julian and Max emailed constantly.

More often than not, Julian would send the first email of the day. It usually consisted of either Schalke woes or stress from work the day before.

Max would read this email when he woke up, which was about half an hour after it was sent. He would spend breakfast writing a response, which often included a recap of an argument with his parents. Max also shared his various mantras and rituals, from "sun-moon-truth" to the Rule of Four Ingredients.

And so it'd go all day, back and forth with worries and comfort.

Julian wasn't technically allowed to use his phone during work, but he managed to check email about once an hour. Sometimes he wished Max could always respond right away, but Kevin helped during those times.

Kevin Trapp, a fellow German, had moved to Paris a year and a half earlier. Knowing that being a stranger in a strange land wasn't any fun, he took Julian under his wing - they went to dinner together, they watched movies at each other's homes, and they talked a lot. Julian told Kevin about his mental illness, and Kevin quickly learned how to spot when things weren't going well. He was also good at letting Julian rant for hours about anything under the sun.

Max was less lucky in this regard. Leon and Christoph had so much on their plates that Max forced himself to step back - he didn't want to bury them with his troubles. He found himself slightly jealous that Julian had Kevin, and also jealous that Julian was still hearing from Erik and Marco, who seemed to want to apologize. Julian didn't want to talk to them until his mind felt calmer, and Max didn't blame him; he simply wished Leon would make that much effort towards him, rather than simply accepting his absence.

Yes, Julian and Max were growing close, even though they had had yet to meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated.


	7. Lost and insecure, you found me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crisis hits. Drastic measures are taken to resolve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song "You Found Me" by The Fray.
> 
>  
> 
> **TW: self-harm (cutting) and suicidal thoughts**

It was a normal weekend in Paris for Julian. His only plan was Kevin coming over for lunch and FIFA, so he spent the morning emailing Max and reading about Schalke. He was in the middle of an article about the club's goalkeepers when his phone rang: _Incoming WhatsApp Call from Marco Reus_

Julian stared at the screen in shock. He hadn't spoken to Marco or Erik since they had discovered his secret, which had been weeks ago. With shaking hands, he accepted the call. "Hello?"

"Hi, Julian!" Marco sounded very chipper. "I'm here with Erik."

"Hey, Jules!" Erik sounded very chipper, too.

"Hi, guys." Julian opened his laptop and composed a new email to Max. "How are you?"

"We're great! How are you?" Erik didn't give Julian time to respond before he asked, "You're not still cutting, are you?"

"Erik, not yet!" Marco interrupted him. "Look, we feel bad that we haven't been in touch, but you know how it is with new relationships. Erik has his Roman, I have my Robert - it's all so time-consuming! But we did want to apologize for the last time we called."

"Oh?" Julian typed a confused face in the subject line of the email to Max. "I'm listening."

"We're sorry we hung up," said Erik. "We freaked out that you were so depressed that you would do that to yourself. We had no idea what to do."

"And we're sorry we didn't know you were so depressed," added Marco. "We should have paid attention."

"All good now?" asked Erik.

"Not really," replied Julian honestly. "You really think -"

"We can't apologize in person, Jules!" snapped Marco. "You live in another country now, and we're not going to hop on a plane for something little like this!"

"We have to go," said Erik. "No more cutting! Bye!"

The call ended. Julian began to type furiously:

_Marco and Erik just called. They don't understand what the hell they did wrong. I don't know what to do other than hurt._

He sent the email, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes. With shaking hands, he texted Kevin to ask if he could pick up the pizza for that afternoon. He then shoved his phone into his pocket and went to the bathroom, sobbing loudly.

"You fucking piece of shit!" he shouted to his reflection as he picked up the knife that he kept on the sink. "How dare you exist! You are worthless!"

He cut his left wrist.

"I want to die," he whispered. "I just want to kill myself."

He cut his right wrist.

Not knowing what to do next, he slid down to the floor, continuing to sob.

\----------

About an hour later, the doorbell rang. "Julian! I have pizza!" Kevin called out.

No answer. Kevin knocked loudly. "Jules! It's Kevin!"

Still no answer. Something told Kevin to worry, so he carefully lifted the mat in front of the door and found a spare key. He unlocked the door and let himself in.

"Julian?!" Kevin closed and locked the door, seeing no sign of his friend. Going on instinct, he ran to the bathroom, where he saw Julian with a bloodied knife in his hand.

"No! Jules!" He dropped to the floor and examined the cuts: they weren't deep, but they did need to be cleaned. The slight movement of Julian's chest told Kevin that the unhappy man was asleep, much to his relief.

Kevin noticed something blinking in Julian's pocket. He reached into the pocket and pulled out Julian's phone, which was alerting its owner to a new email from Max. Kevin recognized the name from Julian's descriptions of his "e-pen pal" and knew what he had to do.

He tapped the home button, which caused the password screen to display. A quick glance at the Schalke handtowels told Kevin that the password was 1904, so he typed it in and found the email from Max:

_You know I'm always here for you. Tell me everything._

Kevin hit the reply button and prayed that his idea would work.

_Hello, Max. This is Kevin, Julian's friend from work. I suspect he's told us about each other. I'm writing because Julian appears to have attempted suicide. I don't think I can help him this time. Can you? Thank you, Kevin._

The reply came a few minutes later:

_Dear Kevin, I've heard about you, and I trust you to keep Jules safe. Below is my flight information for tonight. Until we meet, Max._

"Hang in there, Jules," Kevin whispered as he typed a confirmation to Max. "Help is on the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to WinterSnow10 for helping me with this chapter (and for doing so much more for me than I could ever articulate). Du schaffst alles. <3


	8. Y como un ángel cuidarás de mí

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max arrives in Paris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song "Guapa" by Diego Torres. Translation: "And like an angel you'll take care of me."

_Sun, moon, truth._  
Max focused on his mantra as he navigated the Paris airport. He didn't want to stop and think about the fact that he had just flown to a country he'd never visited before because of an email he'd received less than a day ago; he really didn't want to stop and calculate exactly how many hours ago he'd received the email. He simply reread Kevin's most recent message and practiced saying Julian's address.

 _Links und dann rechts._  
Max took a taxi to Julian's home, letting his oldest mantra march through his head as he admired the streets of Paris. He obviously wasn't moving here anytime soon, but he very much wanted to come back for a longer, more organized visit. First things first, though: save Julian from the demons menacing his mind.

 _Sun, moon, truth._  
Max found himself facing an imposing front door with the name "J. Draxler" printed under the doorbell. He took a deep breath and rang it.

A tall brunet, who looked to be a few years older than Max, opened the door. He eyed Max warily. _"Oui ?"_

"I'm Max Meyer."

"I'm Kevin Trapp." The man's expression relaxed as he ushered in Max. "Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course." Max followed Kevin to the bedroom, where a dark-haired man slept. "Has he woken up?"

"No, he's been asleep since before I got here." Kevin and Max sat down in the two chairs next to the bed. "I read the email he wrote you - he'd told me that those two guys from his old job would send him a message once every so often asking him to call them so they could apologize, but it never seemed authentic. Apparently it wasn't."

"Very much not." Max took Julian's hand and rubbed his thumb over the scars. "I'm here, Jules. Kevin's still here, too. We'll help you."

Julian stirred slightly before his eyes fluttered open. He looked up in shock. "Max?"

"We meet at last." Max dropped Julian's hand and smiled. "How are you?"

"I don't know," Julian admitted. "The last thing I remember is cutting my wrists in the bathroom."

"I came with the pizza sometime after that," explained Kevin. "You didn't answer the door, so I used your spare key. I found you on the bathroom floor - it looked like you had tried to kill yourself by slashing your wrists, but you didn't really slash them. Your phone started blinking with an email from Max, so I unlocked your phone and replied to the email telling Max what happened and asking him to come because I didn't know what to do."

"And here I am," added Max.

Julian sighed. "I've told Max, but not Kevin...I cut my wrists as self-harm."

Kevin blinked a few times, clearly not sure what to think. "You told me you had anxiety and that you'd been suicidal in the past. I saw you with a bloody knife and assumed the worst."

"I hadn't thought of how to try to kill myself yet." A tear made its way down Julian's cheek. "I just wanted to feel a little better, so I cut. It didn't help."

"Oh, Jules..." Kevin placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I just wish you had told me everything so I could have helped you more."

"You help me so much, Kevin." Julian looked over to Max. "And you do, too. It was easier to tell you more because we weren't facing each other." The other men nodded in understanding. "I can't thank you enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have at least one more chapter planned, but I haven't decided beyond that. What more, if anything, would you like to see in this story?


	9. And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to - we'll get by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas from the film "Meet the Robinsons."
> 
> It's time for me to give Julian and Max a happy ending, or at least a hopeful ending. I may return to them in the future, and I'm open to suggestions, but I'm not promising anything.

About two weeks had passed since Julian and Max had met in person. Julian hadn't thought about cutting himself again in all that time, thanks in no small part to Kevin and Max. So when Julian turned on his laptop to see a Skype video message from Erik, he composed an email to Max and a text message to Kevin before hitting the play button.

"Hi, Julian, it's Erik. And here's Marco."  
"Hi, Julian."  
"We realize that we have been absolute jerks. And we're sorry that we didn't try to understand your feelings before assuming the worst."  
"We're very sorry that we insulted you, especially when we spoke on the phone last time. We won't be surprised if you can't forgive us or don't want to talk to us."  
"We sincerely hope you're doing well. Bye."  
"Bye, Julian. Best wishes."

Julian blinked a few times in shock before writing to Max and Kevin:

_Erik and Marco left me a video message on Skype. They apologized, and it seems like they actually understand why. I'm not sure what to think other than 'not worth self-harm.'_

Kevin was first to answer:

_I still kind of want to slap them for having taken so long. But I know you don't want me to, so I won't. Do you still want to talk to the boss about your article idea tomorrow?_

Julian sighed. Earlier that day, he had told Kevin about his idea for a series of scholarly journal articles about the texts they were currently translating. To Julian's surprise, Kevin had loved the idea so much that he had immediately suggested telling their boss about it. Julian had agreed, mostly out of shock, but the more he thought about it, the more anxious he became.

His nervous thoughts were interrupted by an email from Max:

_You're absolutely right - it isn't worth self-harm. Give yourself as much time as you need to think about what to do next. Regardless, I think your boss will love your idea, so go for it! :) Email me as needed; I'll want to think about anything other than these exams._

Max was about to enter the hell known as exam week: eight exams over the course of five days, with graduation three days after that. Leon and Christoph were getting married a week after graduation, and they insisted that Max "attend" via Skype. He appreciated the gesture, and the fact that Leon and Christoph were doing a better job of listening to his complaints and worries, but exam week was still a challenge. So he smiled when he received Julian's email:

_Sick of the lovebirds, I take it? In any case, good luck on your exams. You got this. XD By the way, Kevin says you and I are obviously soulmates. Do you think he's right? Because I suspect he's right. <3_

Max replied instantly:

_I agree. He's right. <3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, commented, and left kudos.
> 
> To the real-life Julian: I will always believe in you. <3  
> To the real-life Kevin: Gracias & merci. <3  
> xoxo, the real-life Max


End file.
